23 things I learned after turning 23
1. If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it.
This took me a while to work on. I’m a people pleaser at heart, and learning how to say no to people literally felt like the world was angry at me. I had to learn that my peace can only be kept and maintained by me. If I don’t want to do something, I refuse to sacrifice my own peace for the sake of making others happy.
2. Advocate for yourself.
Another thing that took me a long time to do was setting boundaries for myself. I refuse to let people talk to me a certain way or even treat me a certain way just because they think they can. Too many times in my life I’ve let myself be treated like a doormat, and I deserve better than that.
3. Take as many pictures and videos as you can.
I mean this one so sincerely. I try not to be on my phone too much and live in the present moment, but only after I’ve taken sufficient pictures and videos so I don’t forget. My phone is laden with concert videos, pictures of late nights with friends, and snippets of time when my favorite people were doing things to make me laugh. These are great to look back on when I need a reason to smile.
4. Spend time with people who bring you peace.
I used to spend my time with people who drained my social battery. It had nothing to do with them, more so I was using up all my own energy trying to be someone I wasn’t. It wasn’t until finding my close group of college friends that I realized what being around people who bring me peace meant. My best friend in the whole world and I could spend every second of the day together without batting an eye. These are the kind of people you need in your circle.
5. Find people who make you laugh till your sides hurt.
They say laughter is the best medicine, and this is something I can confirm. Making people laugh is great, but finding people to make you laugh is even better. I’m so fortunate to have found my own personal group of comedians. I could never be in a serious situation with these people as they could make me laugh with just a look. I wonder if they know how much they’ve healed my broken heart.
6. Sometimes, It’s better to do what you think is best for yourself.
This sort of goes along with advocating for yourself. If I think skipping a party to stay home and recharge my internal battery is what’s best, I’m going to do that. If I think drowning my over active brain in a bottle of Fireball is the key, then I’m doing that too. Only I can make the right choices for myself. I’ll handle the consequences later.
7. Tell everyone you love them as often as you can.
I am always saying I love you (except to strangers, they think it’s weird.) When I hang up with my mom on the phone, when I wave goodbye to my friends, and even when my cat does something particularly adorable. I will always say I love you because the world doesn’t stop turning and my love has no limit.
8. It’s ok to lean on others when you need help.
This was hard for me to accept as I’ve always been one to take care of myself and my own needs. However, as I’ve started to work my way through my twenties, I realize that people are put in our lives for a reason. These people are the ones you’re supposed to ask for help. It’s perfectly ok to look at yourself and realize you can’t do it on your own! Neither should you have to if we’re being honest.
9. People unexpectedly will come into your life and bring you the love you’ve been searching for.
I’ve gone through friends like children go through socks. Meeting my college friends was the best thing to ever happen to me. No one will love you as fiercely as the people you induct into your “inner circle.” This is your small group of friends who won’t judge you for drinking wine right from the bottle and will eat your pizza crusts when you can’t. They are the ones who taught me what the balance of love and friendship is supposed to look like.
10. A hot shower will fix anything.
This is actually my mantra. When I feel like crap, I shower. When I’m bored and in one of those “I want to do everything and nothing!” moods, I shower. For some reason, allowing yourself to stand in the spray of a good stream of hot water where no one can bother you or your thoughts is incredibly therapeutic.
11. Don’t be too little because people think you’re too much.
I have been too much my entire life. Too loud, too outspoken, too full of energy and for the longest time I thought that was bad. Now I realize, I shouldn’t have to control my muchness for people. If they wanted less, they could go find less. Be weird and loud, life is too short to not express everything we hold inside.
12. If things aren’t working out the way you want them to, pause and take a breather.
This one I applied mostly to being a designer. I would hyper-focus on something for so long that I would get frustrated with it. There were so many times where trying to access the creative part of my brain just wasn’t going to happen effectively. I learned that things aren’t going to just up and disappear. I was allowed to get up and come back to whatever I was working on after a much needed break.
13. You can sleep when you’re dead, stay up just a little bit longer when you’re with your favorite people.
This is one thing that I’ve taken and ran with. Don’t get me wrong I love sleep as much as the next girl, but when I’m with my favorite people I tend to stay up too late to enjoy the moment. Some of my favorite memories involve staying up until 4am with my roommates in college. I look back fondly on the drunken walks home from the bar, the times my best friend and I decided we could stay up all night playing video games, and everything else in between.
14. Don’t question people when they offer to do things for you.
I had a hard time learning this. I had to teach myself that the sentence “If they wanted to, they would.” Which is so true! If someone wanted to buy you dinner, they would! Also, what ever happened to not looking a gift horse in the mouth? It took a lot of working through self guilt and explaining that I wasn’t expecting anything from anyone for it to settle in. People love you, of course they want to do things for you! As humans, we constantly look out for the people we love.
15. You can be blunt without being mean.
This wasn’t so much something I had to learn for myself, as I have a hard time being both blunt and mean. This was mostly something I had to realize about other people. In terms of self, however, you can absolutely be blunt (state your boundaries, stand up for yourself, etc.) without being mean. You can protect yourself without being hostile. I find that people are more apt to listen to me if I’m being blunt without being mean. I’ll be honest though, some people still don’t know how to handle someone who is blunt.
16. Go on adventures, even if it’s just to the gas station or grocery store.
This is one of my favorite things to do. I’m that friend that would tag along with my friends who just needed groceries or gas and didn't want to go alone. I got some fresh air, and even a little snack. I’ve never regretted getting to spend some extra time with those that I hold close to my heart.
17. Don’t say no right away to things you’ve yet to try.
I find this true in more than one area of my life. I’m not extremely picky, but I’ve started to try foods I’d normally snub my nose at so I can at least say with certainty if I like them or not. I’ve also gone hiking and walking park trails which isn’t normally how I like to spend my free time, but i’ve found I really enjoy it! Life is too short to say no and not know for certain how you really feel about something.
18. You’re not a bad person for wanting to be alone.
I mentioned this previously, but I often refer to myself as having batteries. An odd statement really, but my batteries tell me what I need. Sometimes after being around people for awhile, I have to recharge my batteries and be alone. There is nothing wrong with this! It only becomes an issue if you’re never making time for others in your life, but wanting some 1 on 1 time with yourself is totally ok.
19. Loving yourself wholly is the most freeing feeling in the world.
I do want to preface by saying there is nothing wrong if you haven’t found that self love yet. It will come, these things just take time. However, I will say, when you finally get to that point you feel like you’re on top of the world. I have bad days just like any other 20 something girl living her life, but on the days that I truly can love myself I feel like nothing can stop me.
20. Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s ok.
The saying goes that you’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. That’s true! You wont be their coffee, their orange juice, or their glass of champagne either. This was hard for me to work through as I have strived my whole life to make everyone I meet like me so much. You will end up being the villain in someone’s story and that is totally ok. Let them make you the villain.
21. You can’t save everyone.
You cannot save everyone. Read it again for the third time. YOU CANNOT SAVE EVERYONE. Nor should you try to save everyone. That’s a lot to put on your shoulders when you’re trying to save yourself in the process. My mom says we should conduct ourselves like airplanes. We sometimes in life have to put our own masks on first. I have tried to save so many people in my life and I end up forgetting about myself and my own needs, which isn't good. Do yourself a favor and put your mask on first.
22. You can set up your tent on sad island, but you can’t stay there.
I love this one, but I can’t take full credit for it. My old college roommate found me crying over a plethora of things going wrong in my life. She made dinner and put our favorite tv show on to keep me from spiraling into a depression that could possibly put me down for months. She said “You can’t live on sad girl island, but you can camp there.” Meaning, you can’t stay in the hurt forever, but you can feel it and acknowledge that it is happening. I will sometimes go camping and set up my tent, but now I remember to pack up my belongings and go home after a good cry.
23. Remember that you are loved, you are wanted, and you are cared for.
Even if you don’t think you are, or if you’re even worthy of that love I can promise you that you are loved. I love you and we hardly know each other! The love I give and receive from my friends, my family, even my cat is what keeps me going. Without that, I think I would be the mayor of sad island. You’re going to feel lost and confused for a period of time, but you’re just like every other person on this planet. So, find that love that is all around you and hold onto it. It’s there, I promise.
